hey... like i know now.. i wanna tell u this... i can see now... i can see people now.. and it's making me kinda feel crazy. Me seeing ppl. and not knowing how to help them. just knowing is not enough,doing is what's important. Always calculating, always making mistakes. always.... feeling when a protection ramp falls, and you know when you fall,you are going to hit harder. ignorance is a bliss. knowing hurts,especially when you are helpless. Suggestion is also a way to make things works, but people just don't listen. and i have no intention of convincing them. So just watch people get burn. Sometimes you just can't let people get burnt all by them self. you just have to tag along, cause there's future that'll change if you don't tag along. Sometimes making amendments is just not possible, it's not piece of cake is what i mean. i mean are you ready for the change. If you know that the world'll end, are you ready to take it and not call the person that told you that insane.. People are not ready to learn,listen. This is why this era has been the era of the devil. wish i could just ignore, but i don't probably what to make that wish, cause if you wish too hard the wish's going to slam you what you want ten fold and may be more then you can handle. and even i have my limits, you know...

She was too good for me. I was too good to her. And our relationship was too good to last. Just like too much of a good thing is always bad.

Today i went to the kerala trip with specimens of my company. It's not like i'm perfect, it was a unique experience. The specimen no.1, a small boy who wants and knows how to get things his way. Specimen no.2, a new born baby who doesn't know anything. Specimen no.3, a sad man who complaints about everything. Specimen no.4, the guy who i taut was normal turned out to be a volcano. The study of human behaviour is definately a intersting hobby. But what intersts me is how i tend to discover parts of myself in the processes of interaction. What i found about me is, i'm neighter a follower nor a leader. I don't like to follow through other's wishes nor i know how to lead. So ultimately i end up alone as a wanderer... The other thing i learned is , when people talk about me, i don't give a dame, but if ppl try to hurt, scold or try to force ppl i love into doing things they don't wanna do. Then it's like provoking me for a fight, i can't refuse, i simply can't stand it. Let alone anything happen to me, but nothing should happen to ppl i love or care about. This is the current mentalily, of my life...

I miss u...
I miss your voice as i ride the bus every day..
I miss wishing u on every other event..
I miss calling u, just to show how beautiful the sunset and how nice the moon is..
I try to forget but the things around me keeps reminding me how precious u are in my life..
I miss teasing u, i miss scolding u for silly mistakes u make.
I miss u every day...

When a girl get her heart broken, there are hundred boys ready to heal it.but when a boy gets his heart broken he's lonely for life, or just move on...

I just realized life goes on even without you.

But in some corner of my mind you are still there. It's not easy to remove memories, you can only mask it with a better one.Like i always thaught, the fastest way to destroy a ripple is to cause a bigger one.

As time parts.. The pain in my heart is healing bit by bit.. Now I'm almost OK, i can make a conversation. But the pain still remains somewhere in the corner of my heart, reminding me of my sorrow..what else can i say, everything is back to normal, well almost normal.

I don't think i've told u what my sorrow is.the thing is, I think i was in love, for a moment in my life with a girl not related to me by family. This is how it happened...

When i first joined engineering, on my first day of my college.My father told me, that a cousin of mine whom i never met before, whose relation is soo long that i can't explain, is in my class. He told me her name and told me to friend her. Now how do u find a girl in ur class whom u've never seen before in the midst of strangers.

I followed the attendance call and paid attention to names called and who answered the call.that's the best i could think of on my first day of my college. Well i'm not a good listener, well most of the time, so at the end of the day, i narrowed down to two people.

For some reason i can't remember, i went to the coll office for some enquire. And one of the shortlisted candidate for the long relation-ed cousin was sitting in the waiter's seat to enter the principal's office. Thinking that she could be my cousin,i approached her and asked her,"are u h****ni?", she with a confused look(as expected) said,"no. I'm a****ni, that's the other girl". I just said yes and took my leave.she confused asked me,"why?". I didn't reply and just saying "OK OK" left the office.

This is how i first met her. She had a weird look. Her face was a moon on like a 4th or 5th day of wax on,curve...she weared cloths like a small nomad kashmiri frock is the best i could describe it. That's what impressed me. I'm a sucker for weird things. I just had to know her. But i was kind of a shy lad, so i could't just walk to her and say things. So i just kept a tab on her and acted normal.

She's a charming sunshine, always cheerful,always like a little girl.Every time she walked in to the room,it was just amazing..3yrs passed by just like that, and i never met her or talked to her directly. Always i was just someone in the class just observing her along with other girls. Just like every other guy in the class. Since i was like kept to myself kinda guy.

I never like objected to anything people say about me, i was like kinda don't care kinda guy, well i still am. Because of that, my so called friends, with whom i hang out, started teasing me with weird nickname like "silent killer, serial kisser,etc". But believe me i was never that kinda guy at that age. And there was a reason why they called me that. I tried to take a pic of a girl who was supposed to be my p.u friend who made it like a class beauty. Eventually she stopped talking to me.

So coming to the main scene.since i had that kinda image girls hesitated to talk to me, till the 4th yr. We started grouping for the final yr project, and i had few members short, the reason for this is the result was due and i didn't know that i would come to the 4th yr, with good luck and god's grace i made it to the final yr, but by the time results got out all the class members were grouped. Including the so called best friend who i usually hang out with. So i didn't get the option of choosing my group. I had to join any group who's short of members.Even she had grouped with others. But the people in my group were her friends with whom she usually talk to. So to be more social i had to tag along to my group people. This is when i talked to her for the second time, and to couple of other girls whom i never talked to my entire life, who were in my class. Since i joined the group i just jump into conversation with my group people, who were most of the time talking to her. That's how i came to knowing her. I usually write short stories,poems and other thing in a blog which which I've little or no talent. For a post in a new blog of mine i decided to write a short review of all the girls i had serious crush on. And she was one me them. Even after careful checking before posting, some how her street name with we all call her remained. I didn't know this and started suggesting to people i meet on the internet, whom by some reason happens to her on one fine day. After some time i just got a message from her asking whom it was based on. Me just like answering to any other fan questions replied as just a taught. She didn't believe it and text me,"pls say truthfully. Whom it it based on". I thinking tat it was just a tease, justified as an another one of my imagination.

The time has come. The time to tell my deep feelings, which is aceing my heart and troubling my mind. I'm running now. Running from what was never mine to begin with. Running from myself who was tricked. Running from hope, which hurt me a lot. The life is in a new perspective but we can't hide from our past. Out of all the things, some things just can't be forgotten easily..