Saturday...8.36

                         Today is Saturday. The end of the week, finally time to relax and take some time out for myself. During this week I've started my obsession once again for bleach(anime series) this time.This obsession started with me seeing the first episode on TV, last week end. Now I'm in 60th episode. I knew i could never stop at one, this is why i once had decided not to see this anime,to avoid addiction(I'm an anime freak), but for some reason, i decided to check it out,and now i can't stop watching:) ....
                         I might as well tell you the general idea about this anime. The story revolves around the character called Kurosaki Ichigo, who could see dead spirits since from childhood,he then becomes a substitute grim reepear/death god by absorbing the powers from Kuchiki Rukia, who was supposed to grim reepear to start with and gets injured while protecting Ichigo's family from hollows(monster souls which do not go to soul society/heaven). Transfering powers of the death god is supposed to be a mortal sin in the sprit world/soul society, and gets arrested by her step brother who was supposed to be a captain of a wing of soul reepear in the soul society army. And Ichigo goes to the soul society to rescue her.
                        I have reached till here, this is the present story ,along with some conspiracy in soul society.

Hollow Heart

I am a hollow of the world. I have no future,the past is gone. Today is what i am. living for the ideals of my father, forgetting my own. This body needs nothing as it's own, the soul is already already empty. The wind of sorrow is all that's keeps me alive. Ya. I'm alive. too tiered of counting the days, worn out enough to see the light. Living like a leech on the sadness of others. Blaming no one, not even myself for my way, i live. They say only if u shed light you'll see the true object. But there isn't enough light to see me. That's y i pray. Only the light of the god can see my heart. If he decides to shed it. But What is there in my heart? Love? Hatered? Joy? Nothing. ... I'm just a empty shell of my father's wishes,my mother's object, my grandma's hopes, swolled in one big pot of nothing.

One of my old dreams......

                  I had this dream when i was in high school. I was hard on boy even then.

                 The dream starts with me coming out of my tutor's house after the class it was late in the night, i'm walking on the road,(there's a public library at the end of the road) the library next to the road seems to be roofless, for some reason it does't amaze me at all, next i walk to my home, the house seems to be destroyed with barely walls standing walls, like it was hit in a bomb blast. I open the gate and get in the compound. As i was entering the house some rough people see me and run sacred before i could get to them. I felt as if they were f**king, in the place and ran as soon i saw them.

                Next thing i know, it's morning and i'm in my room seeing through my window. As i was looking, few people in the custom made bikes, park in front of my gate. I soon run to my room's door and lock it, and came back to the window. In the back seat of one of the rider, a beautiful girl in white top, gets down.
               The most beautiful girl i've ever seen is coming through my gate. I'm feel the chill through my spine, and suddenly i'm scared/shy. Never before in my entire life i was ever been shy of a girl. And this girl is making me hide under the window!!. I was hoping she does't see me.

               This girl along with the other guys walks in my compound inspecting something. This girl white as a snow in a white top and long black hair like an angel.This whole time i'm peeping through the open window hiding myself hoping she doesn't see me .

               And suddenly i wake up.I tried going back to sleep but that didn't work....^_^

My Late Night Thinking...

           This is kind of weird for me who is always asleep. I'm not getting any sleep tonight and it's around 3 a.m. I'm starting to regret talking to her about her love life, but i never back off when someone asks for help. It's just not in my nature to say no when someone ask for help, aside from monitory aid[I'm stingy].

            Talking to her made me think about my life, and how it's not going anywhere, not just in love life but also in career, it's like I'm not trying at all. Or I'm too confused to try and do anything.

             Sometimes i think it'll all just work out, but sometimes i curse my fate. I know i have to do something, but i'm just too lazy to do anything.It's like i'm not thinking about anything other then present moment, no even what to do this afternoon or tomorrow. All i care about is what i wanna do at this moment, that too if it comes to me or i'll just watch t.v or sleep.I donno why i'm like this. but i'm just this way.

            And the funny thing is i'm just too lazy even to plan to change. May be i may sound supersaturating but i never supersaturate about myself.  

my first post

This is my very first post in this blog. My name is nitesh. And this is my blog about my personal feelings log. I've decided to start this blog becoz, i'm currently unemployed and having these feelings gausing out of me, and i need a platform to put it out of my mind and document it. I don't mind anyone reading it or commenting on it, except that i will only entertain positive comments:)